Customer: I want your help in organizing the marriage of my daughter.
Engagement and Relationship Professional Consultant (ERP Consultant): I have extensive experience in organizing engagements and marriages. Do you have a draft invite? Let us start from there.
Customer: Here it is (hands over the draft wedding invite)
ERP Consultant takes a look at invite
ERP Consultant: Your invite violates global best practices. You will need to adapt to the best of breed solution.
Customer: (Confused) What is the problem?
ERP Consultant: The name of the groom is Ross Geller. I have conducted many marriages. In all of them the groom's name is Richard Dawson. You need to change the name of the groom to Richard Dawson.
Customer: How can I change the name of the groom? His name is Ross Geller.
ERP Consultant: I am only a consultant. All I can do is to appraise you of global best practices in this area. As per our experience and product recommendation, the recommended name for the groom is 'Richard Dawson'. If your groom has any other name you will face significant performance issues and the marriage will not work well.
Customer throws out the ERP Consultant and hires a new one.
New ERP Consultant looks at the invite.
New ERP Consultant: Your invite violates global best practices. you will need to adapt to best of breed solution
Customer, now reconciling to his fate and anticipating the problem: The groom's name is the problem, isn't it?
New ERP Consultant: No, groom's name is as per global best practices. Our company recommends 'Ross Geller'. In fact, I see very few customers adapting to global best practices when it comes to the name of the Groom. You should see the names they come up with. Richard Dawson. Can you believe it? That project will never be successful. But in your case, I am so happy to note that you have decided on Ross Geller. The problem is with the bride's name.
Customer, frustrated: She is my daughter. What is the problem with her name. Phoebe Buffay is the greatest name for a girl. I am a fan of Phoebe in Friends and wanted to name my daughter as Phoebe.
New ERP Consultant: Phoebe Buffay is a great name, not doubt. I am sure it meets your requirements. However, global best practice is to have the bride named Rachel Green. We always recommend that name for the bride in every project that we implement.
New ERP Consultant: You have contracted us to provide you with the best possible solution for your engagement and relationship challenges. The implicit assumption when we take up this job is that the customer is ready to adapt to global best practices recommended by our Organization that have been developed over years of extensive experience.
Customer: How many marriages you have coordinated so far/
ERP Consultant: One. The name of the groom was Ross Geller and Bride was Rachel Green. That was a successful project. So now we recommend those names as Global Best Practices.
Customer, yelling: Get out of my house, you moron....
Engagement and Relationship Professional Consultant (ERP Consultant): I have extensive experience in organizing engagements and marriages. Do you have a draft invite? Let us start from there.
Customer: Here it is (hands over the draft wedding invite)
ERP Consultant takes a look at invite
ERP Consultant: Your invite violates global best practices. You will need to adapt to the best of breed solution.
Customer: (Confused) What is the problem?
ERP Consultant: The name of the groom is Ross Geller. I have conducted many marriages. In all of them the groom's name is Richard Dawson. You need to change the name of the groom to Richard Dawson.
Customer: How can I change the name of the groom? His name is Ross Geller.
ERP Consultant: I am only a consultant. All I can do is to appraise you of global best practices in this area. As per our experience and product recommendation, the recommended name for the groom is 'Richard Dawson'. If your groom has any other name you will face significant performance issues and the marriage will not work well.
Customer throws out the ERP Consultant and hires a new one.
New ERP Consultant looks at the invite.
New ERP Consultant: Your invite violates global best practices. you will need to adapt to best of breed solution
Customer, now reconciling to his fate and anticipating the problem: The groom's name is the problem, isn't it?
New ERP Consultant: No, groom's name is as per global best practices. Our company recommends 'Ross Geller'. In fact, I see very few customers adapting to global best practices when it comes to the name of the Groom. You should see the names they come up with. Richard Dawson. Can you believe it? That project will never be successful. But in your case, I am so happy to note that you have decided on Ross Geller. The problem is with the bride's name.
Customer, frustrated: She is my daughter. What is the problem with her name. Phoebe Buffay is the greatest name for a girl. I am a fan of Phoebe in Friends and wanted to name my daughter as Phoebe.
New ERP Consultant: Phoebe Buffay is a great name, not doubt. I am sure it meets your requirements. However, global best practice is to have the bride named Rachel Green. We always recommend that name for the bride in every project that we implement.
New ERP Consultant: You have contracted us to provide you with the best possible solution for your engagement and relationship challenges. The implicit assumption when we take up this job is that the customer is ready to adapt to global best practices recommended by our Organization that have been developed over years of extensive experience.
Customer: How many marriages you have coordinated so far/
ERP Consultant: One. The name of the groom was Ross Geller and Bride was Rachel Green. That was a successful project. So now we recommend those names as Global Best Practices.
Customer, yelling: Get out of my house, you moron....
1 comment:
Namaste, Mr. Ramaswamy.
This is downright hilarious - however, the deep truth in the narrative is unmissable!
Thanks for sharing it with us.
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